great big boom

trends that need to die in 2010?

yo, so down with this. spot-on description of the nitty-gritties of 90s fashion and “latter aughts” is a fantastic little phrase.

hangover:

1. peep toe heels: they’re the fucking princess heel of the latter aughts. and they need to go away.they are completely impractical for like 80% of the worlds population and downright treacherous for like 50%. how many times have you seen a shoe with a perfect heel and a perfect platform only to notice that they’re fucking PEEP TOES? way to ruin shoes and FEET and TOES, fashion industry. not all of us live in the dreamy sun soaked 70 degree world of southern california or have the luxury of being chauffeured every where. eat a fucking ugg boot.

2. 90s revival: hey. um, first of all most of you younguns are doing it wrong. put on a pair of keds, some relaxed fit jeans, a body suit and then throw a charlotte hornet’s starter jacket and peacesign over all that and you have it right. it wasnt all neon and the fucking fresh prince, you guys. and the reality is that most of what we all wore? looked terrible. plaid only looks good on dudes with chubby arms and too much facial hair or worn by long legged women standing in doorways with ginormous cups of coffee. i would like this to die.

3. hating on leggings: get over it folks. leggings are back and i hope they are here to stay. mostly because they dont have buttons and i am fat. so get off our case with the whole “leggings are not PANTS!” the only people who say that are people who are pissed that they didnt think of it first. im just telling the truth.

4. fedoras: unless you’re wearing a matching coat or suit, leave the fedora home. for those of you that are missing what i am saying here: unless you own a straw JACKET or a suit made out of WHEAT burn your straw fedora. i dont care if you’re spike from top chef. that shit is OVER.

5. rolling up vintage men’s pants at the ankles: i feel like a lot of the fashion cool kids are starting to do this and i have to say….i dont think its going anywhere good. this can only lead to bad things guys. its another one of those looks that you have to have a very specific type of body for and 4 people have that body. stop it now. you’re our only hope.

6. bows: unless you are in 4th grade at a parochial school with really strict uniform guidelines and the only way you have to express yourself is via HEAD GEAR and RIBBONS and BOWS etc, you have no business wearing little bows. no. shut up. give it to me. i’m going to break that thing in half. fuck it. fuck you stupid little bow. you wanna impress me? HAIRBOW. or an INSANELY LARGE bow. anything else is just you trying to be cutesy and emulating a fucking FICTIONAL CHARACTER IN HIGH SCHOOL. lets be real here. and yes. im burning them. all.

7.zooey deschanel: i know at least one much cuter, much funnier brunette who has awesome fashion sense. her sister isn’t bad either. you know who else is brunette and smart and fashiony? queen michelle over at kingdom of style. oh and the newly engaged eden. and you know whats cool about these folks (and many of the fashionable people on the internet that i have the pleasure of knowing?) they dont have gobs of money or a paid fucking stylist. they are just this cool without all the money and the hollywood pretension. so lets GET OVER zooey, ok? OVER IT.

any additions?